I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
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You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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