I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
