She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
