These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
