I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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