A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i think my cat just said my name.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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