i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
