you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
