I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
