guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the day after is always just damage control
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
