Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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