I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
