Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
