I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
