I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
