shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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