Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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