dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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