im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
