if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
