My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
