I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
