you guys were way drunker than both of me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
