Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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