He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
