so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
