I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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