He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
