Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
