She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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