a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
