They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
