More tranny stories later!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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