He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
