she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
