I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize