this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
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Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
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I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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