just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
