I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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