I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
