so that wasnt chicken after all
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
