she was so not down for the gang bang
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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