i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either way he was missing a nipple.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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