its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
