Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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