is your mom at the bar?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
