she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
