she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize