Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
