I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
high people should be assigned attendants
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
