when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
