Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
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I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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