I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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