Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
