ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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