my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
