you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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