We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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